my vag is so smooth its legendary
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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