dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
