Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
