By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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