You smell like stripper and shame
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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