One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
