I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
