Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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