You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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