What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
