So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
