Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
