i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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