You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
