I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
