I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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