My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
