Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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