My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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