Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
