I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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