guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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