Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
