is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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