george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
