we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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