i may or may not be watching the land before time
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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