All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
