i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
