They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
