So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
