I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
