Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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