What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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