with your own penis?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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