I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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