I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
