I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
