youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
