Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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