the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
