I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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