You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
