Is it because I queefed?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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