Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
