Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
