My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
