So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
