Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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