just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i need some magic done to my vagina
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
