im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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