I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
